brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
