dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
