the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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