I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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