anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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