You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
