there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
