I hate your face
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
