do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
