I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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