Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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