oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
