I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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