he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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