I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
