Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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