I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
