Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
