I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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