I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Bring me that man meat
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
