dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
