Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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