Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
