You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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