So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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