dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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