i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I understand Curling. That high.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
