Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Randomize