Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
