I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I want to fling myself into the sun
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
