My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
