I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
