just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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