Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
