I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
