He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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