id be glad to
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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