thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
