I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
