Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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