Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
