if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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