Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize