Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
