I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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