Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
