Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
