idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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