At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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