I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
