I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
