It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
