I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
