So drunk, too bad you don't want this
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my being single is dangerous.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
That reminds me...we need to get swords
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
