She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
