Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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