I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
