how can u be prego again
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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