your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
