I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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