what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
