Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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