Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I met the friendliest cop last night
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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