Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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