I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
