seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
