Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
