It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
