Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
