I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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