what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
