just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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