Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
