there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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