Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
