Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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