some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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