we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
