Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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