me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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