Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
