I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
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I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
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He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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