Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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