when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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