oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
