someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
