omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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