is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
