yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
