White coat. Heels.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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