I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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