bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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