And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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